I'm 18. I go to a boarding school. Life sucks. I'm never happy but I'm Hardly sad. I've been in love before & I know how much it hurts when they leave you. I have tried to stay real and be positive all my life no matter what. I never give up. But that's recently changed & I don't understand it ...
Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.
There is no point living your life in regrets, cause you will have a lot of memories & someday when you look back you'll be glad you got to share it with someone amazing.
Love is hard, Love hurts, Love doesn't last forever & that is because NOTHING IN THIS WORLD THAT'S WORTH HAVING COMES EASY ... <3
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I wish I was in a relationship so much. It’s the one thing I love about life, being able to share it with someone that means so much to you. I think it’s the most amazing thing ever.
In my case, I hate not being with someone. I mean it I hate it a lot. It’s so shit being alone and having that shitty feeling. I mean, noone deserves it. But the thing is I just try way too hard to make things work even if it’s not meant to and I always over do things and ruin it even further. And now I’m like this. A mess.
I would just love to be with someone who really did care about me . :( That way, atleast when I can just be me and not have a care about the world for as long as I’m with her. Would be amazing…
I won’t give up. X
The last few days have been crazy tough. I don’t even know why. Nothing has changed but I’ve just been struggling to go through the last couple of days. One day I just woke up and wanted to give up on everything. In fact I think I did just give up with everything and I mean everything.
I don’t want to be part of anything or anyones life. I want to be alone and everyone to actually forget about me. I’m just a burden on people. No one deserves that. Everyone deserves to be happy. And me being part of their life makes them nothing but sad. So, I’ve just decided to take myself out of everyones life. It’s not many people but the few I care about are the ones that I don’t want to hurt. So, I just can’t do this anymore.
I just need to figure this out myself.
Really need a break from everyone and everything! I am so fed up with everything. I just can’t be bothered anymore. So confused. So lost . And I always feel so out of place. Why can no one understand me. I actually don’t have a connection with anyone. I don’t hold a decent relationship with anyone.
How am I going to cope when I go back to school. How will I stay away from everyone. How can I keep to myself ! Exactly I can’t cause then people will judge me and tell me useless things about myself that I already know. I don’t need anyone to tell me what and who I am. People don’t appreciate me for who I am. But I don’t really give a fuck. Just keep it to yourself.
And I am sick of people telling me I can’t do something an I’m never going to make it or I’ll never succeed with anything. What the fuck do you know about me !! Fuck all. Leave me the fuck alone.
I actually cant wait some day when I can turn around and show them I can do it.
It honestly makes me so angry sometimes I think I’m actually going to hurt myself! The worst part is, my self control is getting a lot worse ! Fucking, temper is short now. I take everything to heart. And I have fuck all to take all the anger out on. And there is always that though I’m going to end up hurting myself.
Keeping everything bottled up is really the only thing I can do right now. But honestly. I am just hanging on. The only thing keeping me sane is ranting on this. I don’t actually care . It is all shit.
Fuck my life. Literally! So sick of everything and everyone in this god awful dump !!
I am genuinely crazy in this place you call home. I actually hate it so much. And I’m also hated so much. Which makes me just hate myself and my miserable fucking life. Why does all this happen!? I once believed everything happened for a reason. But what the hell did I do to deserve this life.
There is no point. I would be happy if It all just ended. It would be a whole lot better I was gone. They say you have to appreciate your life and what you have. Trust me if you were in my shoes and had my life. You would wish you life was over too …
Yes it is a strong word. But it seems to be the only word I have been using lately. In fact for a while now. There is just nothing good going on in my life . And there hasn’t for a long time.
I try everything to try be happy. It doesn’t work. I just hate everything and almost everyone in this world.
Getting blamed, getting told that I can’t make it, im a waste of space, I’ll never do anything right, I’m an arrogant selfish piece of shit who doesn’t give a fuck about anyone but myself . I don’t care about peoples feelings. I get judged and accused of being someone I’m not. I apparently pretend to be someone I’m no just to crave attention. Apparently I’m all those things. And I get reminded about all that almost every single day.
I put up with it. It’s so deep now it’s just what I believe. I have no hope. I have lost faith. And I am just so close to giving up with everything. There is only so much someone can take. And it’s got to a point where I feel worthless . That no one really cares. And I do sometime even think if I was gone, I wonder if anyone would actually miss me …
